Who Wants a Balloon Animal?

I had to do a little research for today’s question.  I wasn’t very familiar with the subject.  After a bit of YouTubing, I think I have enough knowledge to make a decision.  Rob’s question today is, what’s a better clown?  Rodeo or normal?

After a few minutes of thought, I have decided “normal” clowns come in 2 different categories.  Birthday party clowns who make balloon animals and scary deadly clowns like Pennywise from It.  Those with coulrophobia, which is a fear of clowns, probably find these both equally terrifying.  Although I am not afraid of either type of “normal” clowns, I don’t really find any of them entertaining and would prefer they not come to my party or out of sewers to get me.

I watched 3 YouTube videos on rodeo clowns and that seems to be where it’s at in the clown industry.  These clowns get out there in a small stadium with a bull and help save the bull rider’s life… from what I’ve seen anyway.  That is a BAC.  It no longer means blood alcohol content. It stands for badass clown.  Many of these clowns have been dedicated to the sport for decades.  Most can’t count the amount of broken bones and concussions they have had.  One clown said he was pronounced dead once and had 2 skull fractures.

I knew a guy whose entire family went to clown school to be “normal” clowns.  They named him Fumbles because he couldn’t juggle.  Why would you let someone who couldn’t juggle graduate clown college?

Rodeo clowns win, hands down.  If you aren’t sure what they actually do, Google and YouTube them because it’s pretty cool.  No offense to all the face painting, juggling, balloon animal making clowns out there. May you continue to bring joy to all of the 2 children who are left after the rest are scared away.

Thanks for reading.  Don’t forget to let me know in the comments what was for lunch today.

 

Party Every Day

Since the timing is pretty appropriate, I chose a question Rob asked me a few weeks ago to use for today. We have all heard about Christmas in July.  Stores have sales, bars have drink specials and bartenders in Santa suits walking around selling shots.  Rob’s question for today is, if Christmas in July is a thing should we introduce Thanksgiving in June?

I say why not?  It’s much easier to stand in a line outside of Target for a TV or vacuum cleaner at a slightly reduced price on a warm summer evening than it is in November.  That’s what you mean by Thanksgiving, right?  Shopping?  The rest can wait for the real Thanksgiving.  Who wants to be stuffed with turkey and pumpkin pie in June?  Rob could be onto something.  If we switched the Thanksgiving night/Black Friday shopping days to June, all of the retail workers could be home with their families on the real Thanksgiving.  Sorry, we don’t have a solution for doctors or toll booth operators as of yet.  You may still need to work.

Regardless of the shopping perks, introducing Thanksgiving in June really has no drawbacks.  Who doesn’t like another reason to celebrate?  I’m a fan of all holidays.  Flag Day, Arbor Day, Bunsen Burner Day (March 31st if you were wondering), Wednesday…  I celebrate them all.

That’s all I have for today.  Thanks for reading.  Have a Happy Industrial Worker’s of the World Day and let me know what was for lunch.

 

 

 

 

 

Hold me Close Young Tony Danza

I finally made it back.  I never thought I would get out.  My license was about to expire, so the day after my last post I went to the DMV to get my picture taken.  I just got out.  I know the DMV is known to have long wait times, but after day 25 I started to get a little frustrated and questioned an employee.  It turns out I was supposed to take a ticket when I arrived and wait for my number to be called.  After I got my ticket, I was next in line.  After 5 minutes, I was free!

In my absence, Rob’s questions have been piling up on my desk.  I feel like I need to ignore the dates and answer them in the order of urgency.  With that said, Rob’s question for today is… Is a snowman’s blood water?

Okay, Rob.. here is the thing.. This is very top secret information that I am only sharing because I think you should know the truth.  In order to accurately answer your question, I sought out the best and only self proclaimed snowman expert in the world, Tony Micelli.. not to be confused with Tony Danza’s character on Who’s the Boss?  He gets that all the time.

I had the opportunity to interview Tony (the snowman expert not Danza) on the history of snowmen this morning via FaceTime.  He is now living in Colorado and is writing his third novel.  He explained that in the beginning of time, snowmen were about as common as deer and small rodents like squirrels and chipmunks all over the US.  He said it wasn’t until a cranky CEO of a large plow truck company on the west coast realized he had found his calling as a hand model that the snowman became more and more rare.

This CEO who we will call Carl, needed a way to get rid of everything that made his company successful so he could abandon it without any repercussions and continue to pursue his career as a hand model.  He needed to get rid of the snow.  If there was no snow, there was no company and no one could possibly blame him for a change in temperature.  He also thought a warmer climate would be better to keep his hands moisturized and in tip top condition for photo shoots.

Carl spent many long minutes (approximately 6) deciding where he should start.  His first thought was getting rid of all the snowmen he could find.  Snowmen were a sign of joy and he just wanted people to see the inconveniences of snow.. not the joy that could be found in it.

He soon realized when he poured hot water on a snowman, it’s magic water blood melted everything around it. Soon, all of the snowmen were gone and their blood helped to water the land and make the grass green and plants and flowers grow.  He closed his company and his employees started seeking work in landscaping.

Carl had everything he wanted.  He was making millions in the modeling industry and his ex employees found jobs cutting grass and picking weeds rather than plowing snow.  This is why we rarely see snow in the part of the west coast where Carl previously ran his snow plow business.

As Carl grew older, his hands became too wrinkled to model anymore and he was left with nothing but the memory of his earlier life.  He took a trip to New York in January of that year to remember his younger days.  He saw all of the children building snowmen and what happiness it brought them.  It is said that he promptly turned himself into the police and is now at Riker’s serving 4 consecutive life sentences.  In an exclusive prime time interview from his icy cold prison cell, he told the world that if he could do it over he would have never taken a drop of blood from a snowman.

Tony tells me there will be a march in New York and many other cities around the country in the coming weeks to raise awareness for snowman rights.  Thanks so much for reading and let me know in the comments what was for lunch today.  Oh, and never eat yellow snow.

 

Even a kid can do it

11PM seems to be the new time I start writing my blog posts.  I should really work on my non-procratinating skills.  Anyway, Rob has an interesting question for today.  I think about this all the time.  Not a day goes by where I do not wonder why pills are put in a bottle and not some type of Pez dispenser device.

Well Rob, I can see where you are coming from.  It would be much more enjoyable to take an ibuprofen from a dispenser with your favorite character head on it.  It would also make it easier.  Even a child could do it.

I can guess the original Pez dispensers were made for dispensing medication.  They were meant to lift the spirits of those who couldn’t find the joy in taking a pill from a bottle.  It worked for a while but then got shut down by the Poison Control Center.

In the late 60’s the child proof cap came out and forced drug stores to stop using Pez dispensers as packaging for prescriptions.  The characters were actually encouraging children to get into their parents medicine because they saw their favorite character heads on top which obviously appealed to them.

This didn’t stop Pez.  They saw they they could have have a future in the candy industry and realized they could sell the dispensers with pill shaped candy and market them to children.  It’s all history from there.

Thanks for reading and don’t forget to let me know what was for lunch today.

I Choose you Pikachu

No matter what era we went to school in,  there is always something being banned.  I definitely remember toys being banned from school.  I can remember Nano Pets/Tamagotchis and Pokemon cards.  I know there were more.  I remember the only “fad” toy not to be banned from my school were Beanie Babies.  They really did no harm. You would just pick one to bring to school that day and place it on the corner of your desk.  Strange? Yes. Teachers didn’t seem to think it took away from learning though, so it was all good.

Rob’s question for today is, what happened to the hacky sack?  Good question.  Unfortunately, I am a few years too young to have been a part of the hacky sack phenomenon.  I do remember my older cousins having them though and it just seemed really hard.  Harder than playing pogs… even with the best slammer.  I was a little too young for those too, but I still collected them.

So, what DID happen to all the hacky sacks?  I know there are still some around.  I found one in the back of my car after I bought it.  My friend won one at an arcade in Ocean City, MD last year.  They still exist.

I can guess.. I mean, being someone who was not a part of the hacky sack trend, I can’t really find much to do with one.  I know you are supposed to kick it and do fancy tricks, but if it’s not cool anymore who would even bother?

I assume the fad ended when nearly all of the hacky sacks in the country were in teacher’s locked desk drawers.  By the time they were given back at the end of the year, the kids had probably moved onto the next big thing.  Why bother learning how to do really hard tricks when no one even cared anymore?  There was no one left to impress, so hacky sacks went from being one of the biggest fads, to a stalking stuffer you wind up giving to your cat to play with.

I don’t know, I hope that made sense.  Thanks for reading.  Let me know what was for lunch today.

Money for Nothing

Okay, so I have less than an hour to post this.  I guess I work better under pressure.  Today’s question is one I have an answer for.  The reason anyone would have a different answer?  I don’t know.  Hopefully it will come to me as I write.

Rob’s question today is… what have you cooked in the microwave the longest?  Luckily, I don’t plan to gross out anyone with this question…by me anyway.  Some people cook ground beef in the microwave.  I swear it’s true.  I can’t be sure why since ground beef takes literally no time to took in the non-disgusting way.  I can’t even go into that anymore. So gross.

I know people make “baked” potatoes in that microwave. That probably takes a while.

The only thing I can think of is when I was a kid and we had a super old microwave. There was a popcorn button but you couldn’t use it.  It took 5 minutes to pop a bag of popcorn.  It also took 5 minutes to microwave Bagel Bites.

One day, that microwave finally left this world and went to microwave heaven…. along with a few bags of popcorn and boxes of bagel bites I tried to microwave for the same amount of time in the new microwave.  It turned out that the popcorn button should be used and 5 minutes was way too long to microwave popcorn in a properly functioning microwave.  I also found that the Bagel Bites could now be microwaved as directed on the box.

I guess the answer to the question is 5 minutes, but that probably is not true.  I’m sure I have had some kind of complex TV dinner that had to be vented, then stirred, recovered, stirred again, remove the plastic… you get what I’m saying.  I can say I have never cooked raw meet or a potato in the microwave though.  Go me? Thanks for reading and let me know in the comments what was for lunch today.

A House of Birds?

It has been a few days, but I am back.  Rob was out of pocket over the weekend due to a top secret mission he cannot discuss.  No, not really.  I can’t blame Rob, it was all me and my laziness over the holiday weekend. But, I am refreshed and ready to go.

Rob’s question for today is a question I never really asked myself before but makes a lot of sense.  I have always said I have never been to a proper zoo.  The only zoo I have ever been to was this local zoo and to quote Ross Geller, “they take like dogs and cows.”  But, maybe I have been to a real zoo after all.  Rob might have something here.

The question for today is… is an aquarium a liquid zoo?  I didn’t clarify if he meant an aquarium like the Camden Aquarium or the kind in a doctor’s office waiting room.  I guess both would have the same answer on different scales but we are going to go with the kind you pay admission for rather than a copay.

The more I contemplate my answer as I type this, the more I can’t think of a reason an aquarium wouldn’t be a liquid zoo.  At least for me, both have almost identical qualities.  First of all, they are both terrifying.  I know people go to this kinds of places for entertainment, but I was the kid who quit Brownies when I was 7 because they forced me to swim in a lake and I was afraid a fish would brush up against me.  I’ve spent my life running away from most animals that aren’t cats and bunnies.

Okay, so one thing I remember about the only “zoo” I have ever been to and the few aquariums I have been to is thinking, it’s okay Alisa, they can’t come near you.  That is so  not true.  They keep most animals in cages and tanks, but they always leave the most terrifying creature of all out in the open. The birds.

Most people find the types of birds that fly around the hippos in the aquarium, harmless.  People say, they don’t hurt you.  I don’t care.  I’d rather fall down an elevator shaft than have a bird fly into me.  I’m sure it stems back to my childhood when I was almost attacked by an escaped parakeet while playing in the sandbox. My mom thinks it was trying to land on my shoulder, but it is still the most traumatic experience of my life.

At the “zoo,” they actually had this house type structure where you walk in and the birds fly all around you and people go in there to let the birds land on them.  Why?  Why would you pay for that?  That place also has like random birds walking around like chickens and peacocks…

Another thing that zoos and aquariums have in common is they aways have those rocks in the gift shop.  The assorted colorful rocks that you pick out and scoop into a brown felt bag.  That’s the best part of either place…that and lunch.  I always spent all of my field trip money on food and a bag of rocks.

So yeah, if you stopped following, yes, I have decided that an aquarium is definitely a liquid zoo.  They are equally terrifying but the gift shops and concessions are pleasant.  In conclusion, if you don’t have to, don’t waste your money on either.  Stay home with your cat and watch We Bought a Zoo instead.  Thanks for reading and don’t forget to let me know what was for lunch today!